WELCOME TO WILLPOWER 101!
How difficult it is to change people’s thoughts, emotions, and habits! Author Kelly McGonigal explains: “After years of observation, I realized that much of what people believed about willpower was creating unnecessary stress. Although scientific research had much to say that could help them, it was clear that these insights had not yet become part of public understanding. Instead, people continued to rely on worn-out strategies for self-control. I saw again and again that the strategies most people use weren’t just ineffective—they backfired. This led me to create The Science of Willpower, a class offered to the public through Stanford University’s Continuing Studies program. The course combines the newest insights about self-control from psychology, economics, neuroscience, and medicine to explain how we can break old habits and create healthy habits, conquer procrastination, find our focus, and manage stress. It illuminates why we give in to temptation and how we can find the strength to resist. It demonstrates the importance of understanding the limits of self-control and presents the best strategies for training willpower.”
Kelly McGonigal is a health psychologist known for her work in science help, lecturing at Stanford University. In her book The Willpower Instinct (*), based on her course on willpower science, the author explains willpower through science, exploring how it can be harnessed to improve our lives. The book argues willpower is not a fixed trait but rather a skill that can be cultivated and strengthened through practice.
According to McGonigal, several key factors influence our willpower, including our beliefs, emotional state, and environment. The book also explores the role of stress in weakening willpower and offers strategies for managing stress in healthier ways.
One of the book’s standout ideas is the concept that willpower is like a muscle—it can become depleted when overused. To preserve it, McGonigal recommends setting specific, attainable goals and breaking them into smaller steps. She also advocates for activities like sleep, exercise, and mindfulness to recharge our willpower, alongside examining the neuroscience behind willpower and its connections to emotional regulation, decision-making, and self-control.
According to the book, many people feel their willpower constantly fails them, having control one moment, only to lose it and feel overwhelmed the next.
The American Psychological Association points out that many Americans see a lack of willpower as the main barrier to reaching their goals. Globally, people often feel guilty when they let themselves or others down. Some feel trapped by their thoughts, emotions, and desires as if their lives are led more by impulses than by deliberate decisions. Even those who manage to exercise strong self-control sometimes struggle with burnout and wonder if the constant effort is worth it. It doesn’t matter what the issue is—whether it’s human behavior or cultural variables—I believe that the wisdom of old proverbs isn’t all that different from today’s research-backed behavioral findings. I’ve sprinkled a few proverbs throughout this piece to make the connection clear.
To set the stage, let’s first define the challenges we face with the following questions:
The “I Will” Challenge: What’s the one thing you know will boost your life’s quality if you stop putting it off and commit to doing it more?
The “I Won’t” Challenge: What’s your “most stubborn” habit? Is there something harming your health, happiness, or success that you want to reduce or eliminate entirely?
The “I Want To” Challenge: What’s your most important long-term goal to focus on? Which immediate “desires” are distracting you from focusing on this goal?
Here’s the question: When you think of willpower, what comes to mind? For most of us, it’s the classic battle of resisting temptations. When people say, “I have no willpower,” they usually mean, “I struggle to rein in my appetite, emotions, or urges.” A simple “just let it go” would be favored by procrastinators and the lazy, so, that’s exactly what we should avoid saying.
When we make a yes or no decision, there’s a third option: becoming truly aware of what we desire!
When your mind is overly occupied, impulses, not long-term goals, tend to guide your decisions. Strengthening self-control starts with cultivating self-awareness. Monitoring your decisions, and thus yourself, throughout the day helps reduce impulsive actions, especially when distracted, and this practice is a proven way to fortify your willpower.
In the past decade, neuroscientists have discovered that the brain is highly adaptable to new experiences, like an eager student. If you exercise your brain with math every day, it improves at math. Train it to worry, and it becomes an expert at worrying. Focus it, and it masters concentration. Your brain rewires itself accordingly. Some areas grow more robust, accumulating gray matter like muscles swelling with exercise.
The author suggests simple exercises to improve skills like focus, attention, stress management, impulse control, and self-awareness.
So, as the saying goes: “Kendini bil kendini, bilmez isen kendini patlatırlar enseni”
(a proverb meaning: know yourself, or life will teach you the hard way).
A SIMPLE EXERCISE: AN INVESTIGATION INTO WILLPOWER
5-MINUTE MEDITATION FOR TRAINING THE BRAIN
This technique is new to me and isn’t part of my routine, but since it’s included in the book, I wanted to share it for your consideration: Focusing on your breath is a simple yet effective meditation method to train your brain and boost your willpower. It helps reduce stress and trains your brain to manage internal distractions like cravings and worries, as well as external temptations such as sounds, sights, and smells. Current research shows that regular meditation helps people quit smoking, lose weight, overcome drug addiction, and maintain sobriety. Whatever your “I Will” or “I Won’t” challenge, this 5-minute meditation can serve as an effective brain training exercise to bolster your willpower. Here’s how you can begin:
- Sit still and stay in place.
- Focus your attention on your breathing.
- Notice how it feels to breathe and how your mind tends to wander.
If you struggle to refocus, try silently saying “breathe in” and “breathe out” as you follow your breath. This part of the practice not only trains your self-control but also enhances self-awareness. Start with 5 minutes a day. Once it becomes a habit, extend it to 10-15 minutes. If it starts to feel like a burden, scale back to 5 minutes. Flexibility is key to building consistency.
Personally, I don’t engage in these types of exercises. For me, praying to Allah and performing the five daily prayers fulfill everything described here and more. My direct connection with the Creator—expressing gratitude for His blessings and worshipping Him—gives me a source of willpower that transcends the “I Will” and “I Won’t” struggles.
So, “Haste makes waste.”
WILLPOWER IS AN INSTINCT
As the author states, willpower is a biological instinct developed to protect us from ourselves, much like stress.
According to the book, when we feel overwhelmed by challenges to our willpower, it’s tempting to blame “what we are”: weak, lazy, cowardly, or lacking self-control.
In our culture, the culprit is “Nafs”, which I find amusing, as the word means “self” in Turkish!
On the other hand, willpower is what makes us human. It’s because of willpower that we can choose between good and evil, belief and disbelief.
However, the modern world presents us with new challenges, such as deciding whether or not to indulge in a slice of Godiva cake that’s tempting us right now.
“So, what’s happening in your brain and body at this moment?” A few things occur: first, your brain gets hijacked by the idea of acquiring that Godiva cake. As soon as you lay eyes on it, your brain releases a neurotransmitter called “dopamine,” directing it to the areas responsible for attention, motivation, and action. These tiny dopamine messengers essentially scream, “You must eat that Godiva cake right now, or you’ll face a fate worse than death!” This is it, this explains why your hands and feet almost automatically gravitate toward the counter (https://muratulker.com/e/ddopamin/).
Yet another part of you knows that the GODIVA slice doesn’t align with your long-term goals now. What you do to resist that urge is your willpower in action—despite your body’s physiological responses, such as your blood sugar dropping!
To be honest, this wasn’t a great example. It includes product placement, and I would personally always choose that slice of Godiva cake.
So, “heva ve hevesinize uymayın” (a proverb meaning: don’t give in to fleeting desires).
Recommendations from the Author:
- Identify your threat. Determine the temptation you need to control to overcome your willpower challenge.
- Track internal stress and self-control. Be mindful of the stressful periods throughout your day or week and observe their effects on your self-control. Are you craving something, or zoning out? Are you able to delay gratification?
- Regain control through breathing. Slow your breathing to 4–6 breaths per minute to activate physiological self-regulation.
- Take a five-minute willpower recharge. Engage in physical activity—even a short walk—to reduce stress, improve your mood, and regain motivation.
Maybe I should give these a try myself.
HUMAN WILLPOWER CAN BE DEPLETED
Can willpower be depleted upon usage?
Do smokers who go without cigarettes for twenty-four hours overindulge in ice cream that day? In that case, what should those on a diet do? It often feels like there are so many things in life that demand our willpower and resistance. Once your willpower is depleted, you become more susceptible to temptations.
Modern life is full of alluring offers that drain your willpower and demand self-control. Researchers have found that self-control peaks in the morning and steadily declines throughout the day. By the time you face truly important challenges, like going to the gym after work, tackling a big project, staying calm when your kids are acting up, or resisting the emergency pack of cigarettes hidden in your drawer, you realize your willpower has already worn thin. Trying to control or change too many things at once can leave you completely drained.
Willpower is like a muscle. It gets fatigued with use, yet it can also be strengthened through regular exercise.
This time, I’ll skip “so” and say it directly: “Still waters run deep.”
Recommendations from the Author:
- Track the highs and lows of your willpower. This week, pay attention to when your self-control feels strongest and when you’re most likely to give in.
- Prevent burnout. Next time, push yourself to take one more step before you feel too drained to show willpower.
- Train your willpower. Choose something to do (or avoid doing) this week or focus on tracking an area you usually overlook.
- Practice “I want” willpower. When you feel weak, find motivation that empowers you and don’t give up.
WHY MORALITY IS NECESSARY
When seeking self-control, approaching every willpower challenge from a moral perspective is a mistake. Why? Because we’re too quick to pat ourselves on the back for doing (or even just thinking about doing) something good, and even quicker to justify giving up. Framing things as “right” or “wrong,” rather than focusing on our true desires, often sparks conflicting impulses and self-sabotage.
Ask yourself: Are you driven by your impulses and desires, or by your long-term goals and values? When you think about your willpower, do you feel capable, or do you feel disappointed in yourself?
To better control your willpower, focus on your goals—assuming, of course, that your goals fall within a moral framework.
So, “Başkasına iğne batırmadan önce çuvaldızı kendinize batırın” (a proverb meaning: before you judge others, judge yourself).
Recommendations from the Author:
- After succeeding at a willpower challenge, do you tell yourself you’re “good,” then permit yourself to do something “bad”?
- Do you tell yourself you’ll make up for today’s behavior tomorrow and follow through with it?
- Do you excuse a bad behavior just because its a good trait?
- When you evaluate your self-control, which part of you feels more real—the one chasing your goals, or the one that needs to be controlled?
- The next time you’re tempted to indulge as a reward, stop. Instead of focusing on whether you’ve earned a reward, think about why you’ve been “good.”
- Aim to make your willpower-related behavior less erratic day by day.
DOPAMINE: THE GREAT TEMPTATION
According to the author, desire is the brain’s strategy for action. While it often challenges willpower, it can also be a driving force. When dopamine pulls us toward temptations—like that irresistible treat—we must learn to separate momentary cravings from what brings lasting happiness. Yet, dopamine and the promise of reward can also be leveraged to motivate both ourselves and others. Desire, in essence, isn’t inherently good or bad; what truly matters is how we direct it and whether we’re clear about what we’re pursuing.
The book reveals that dopamine, when activated by the promise of a reward, heightens our sensitivity to all kinds of temptations. Savvy marketers, eager to win your money, know exactly how to exploit this. For instance, when you feel you’ve scored a great deal, the floodgates of dopamine open wide: “Buy One, Get One Free!” A super low-price tag is particularly effective during sales. Our brains quickly calculate savings and irrationally interpret the difference as profit: “Originally $99, now just $44.99! Such a bargain!” You might even think, “I don’t know what this is for, but I need to add it to my cart.” Now, throw in a sense of urgency to the mix, such as a “one-day sale” or “while supplies last…”
The author argues that while we live in a world meticulously designed to spark desire, we can still become aware of these triggers by simply paying attention. Understanding what’s happening doesn’t eliminate the desire itself, but it offers an opportunity to strengthen our “I won’t” muscle.
So, “dev aynasına bakan kendini dev sanır” (a proverb meaning: those who view themselves through a distorted lens may overestimate their greatness).
Recommendations from the Author:
- Identify what activates your dopamine neurons. What is the promise of reward that pushes you into a state of longing?
- Be mindful of neuromarketing tactics and environmental triggers, especially how sales tactics are designed to activate the promise of a reward.
- Recognize when desire triggers stress and anxiety.
- Test the promise of the reward. Consciously indulge in something your brain insists will bring you happiness but never truly satisfies (e.g., junk food, shopping, binge-watching TV, or wasting time online). The brain’s promises rarely to align with reality, do they?
COPING WITH STRESS
Feeling bad often leads to giving up, but overcoming guilt can make you stronger.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “What’s the point?” When your morale is low, what do you do to feel better? If you’re like most people, you will be tempted by the promise of reward. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), the most common stress-relief behaviors are those that activate the brain’s reward system: eating, drinking, shopping, watching TV, browsing the internet, or playing video games. Why? Because dopamine makes us feel good.
Guilt and negative feelings can often lead to further giving up. For instance, alarming cigarette pack warnings can encourage smokers to smoke more. In the same way, an economic crisis might drive people to spend more, and upsetting news in the evening can sometimes lead to overeating. While these actions may not seem logical, they are entirely human. If we want to avoid this cycle, we must resist the urge to seek comfort in instant gratification.
When stressed, our brain goes into “rescue mode” by triggering cravings. It aims to protect not only your life but also your mood, guiding you toward things that have previously brought joy.
The book explains that neuroscientists have discovered how negative emotions—such as anger, sadness, anxiety, or self-doubt—push the brain into reward-seeking behavior. Whatever activity or substance your brain associates with a dopamine release becomes the thing you crave, and you start believing that “the reward” itself is the only way to feel better.
When stress stems from failure, it’s crucial to forgive yourself. But it’s equally important not to let that forgiveness become an excuse to give up or surrender.
If you think you need to be excessively hard on yourself to be more consistent with your willpower, you’re not alone, the author states—but you’re mistaken! This approach contributes to depression, depleting both your “I will” and “I want” powers. On the other hand, self-compassion, especially in the face of stress and failure, provides support and kindness to oneself, fostering higher motivation and achievable through stronger self-control.
So, “keskin sirke küpüne zarardır” (a proverb meaning: a bad temper harms its possessor most).
Recommendations from the Author:
- When you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or down, what do you gravitate toward?
- Are you choosing quick fixes that make you feel better in the moment, rather than taking concrete steps to improve your behaviors?
- Adopt proven stress-reduction methods like exercising, praying, reading, listening to music, spending time with friends or family, getting a massage, walking, meditating, or practicing yoga.
- Be kind to yourself when you fail. Offer yourself compassion after a setback to prevent guilt from causing you to give up.
- Make decisions that lead to success—identify when and how you start to waver between optimism and pessimism and create a plan to avoid giving up.
THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE
Not having a clear vision of the future often leads to procrastination. According to the book, our imagination tends to disappoint us when we think about the future. Instead of choosing future rewards, we often opt for instant gratification. Lacking foresight, we lose focus and drift away from our goals.
We usually think of our future selves as a different person. We hope that things we can’t achieve today will somehow be accomplished in the future. We postpone our responsibilities, relying on a future version of ourselves that will effortlessly bring about change; but it’s a futile hope.
So, “you throw a sprat to catch a mackerel.”
Recommendations from the Author:
- Ask yourself which future rewards you are postponing.
- Is there a major change or task you’ve been postponing, assuming your willpower will magically be stronger in the future?
- Create a new definition of your future self and motivate that self with rewards or threats.
- Write a letter to your future self or visualize your future self.
BRAIN AND SOCIAL PROOF
Brain incorporates the goals, beliefs, and behaviors of others into our decisions. When we spend time with others or even just think about them, they shape a competing version of ourselves in our minds. Similarly, our actions impact others, as every choice we make becomes a source of inspiration for someone else.
We have specialized brain cells, so-called mirror neurons, dedicated to observing and imitating what others think, feel, and do. These mirror neurons are scattered throughout our brains to help us deeply understand others’ experiences.
Emotions are highly contagious, as mirror neurons in our brain respond not only to the pain of others but also to their emotions. For instance, a colleague’s low mood can quickly influence our own. This same principle explains the use of laughter tracks in comedy shows hearing others laugh naturally encourages us to laugh along.
When we see someone give up, it can leave us feeling defeated too. Conversely, observing someone’s willpower can spark our resolve. Other people’s aspirations have the power to fuel our ambitions. This is why we tend to eat more in social settings than when we’re alone, why gamblers raise their stakes after witnessing a big win, and why shopping with friends often leads us to spend more than we would alone.
However, your relationship with the person you model matters. Close friends impact you more than coworkers, and even a friend of a friend can shape your behavior more than someone you see every day but don’t get along with. That’s exactly how behavior spreads.
To strengthen your immunity against the goals of others, dedicate a few minutes every morning to reviewing your own goals and reflecting on how to ignore external influences.
So, “Rotten apple spoils the barrel.”
Or as the saying goes, “Man is known for the company he keeps.”
Recommendations from the Author:
- Do people in your social circle share willpower challenges?
- Who are you reflecting? Be aware!
- Who are you most influenced by? Who are your “close others”? Have you adopted any behaviors from them, or have they picked up any from you?
- Build immunity. Spend a few minutes each morning focusing on your goals to avoid adopting others’ willpower challenges.
- Borrow self-control. When you need extra willpower, think of a role model. What would they do?
Internal Acceptance, External Control
Suppressing thoughts, emotions, and desires backfires. The more you try to avoid a thought, the more likely it is to persist, and you’re more likely to act on it. Our minds, in a futile effort, work hard to push away unwanted thoughts and feelings. But controlling what comes to mind is impossible. All we can do is choose what to believe and how to act.
As the saying goes, “Speak good or remain silent!” applies well here.
Recommendations from the Author:
- Is there something you’re trying to avoid thinking about? Does suppressing it help, or does trying to push it away only make it come back stronger?
- Based on your experience, does forbidding something to increase the desire for it?
- Acknowledge your emotions, but don’t believe everything you think. When a thought emerges, observe how it manifests in your body. Then, shift your focus to your breath and visualize the thought fading away or drifting past.
Ultimately, has this summary changed your perspective on “willpower and self-control”? If so, you might want to read the book from cover to cover, as it includes powerful exercises.
As I’ve mentioned before, praying to Allah, and performing the five daily prayers provide me with all the strength I need to maintain my willpower. But does this mean I should dismiss scientific knowledge? There’s a well-established field of positive science that has been advancing since the late 1800s. Can we ignore the knowledge it produces? Certainly not.
Exploring new fields, collecting data, considering evidence—essentially adopting a mindset of a scientist—is crucial. Embracing surprising ideas, learning from successes and failures, and sharing effective practices are all important. To me, a scientific mindset aligns seamlessly with religious faith. Perhaps I should write about this topic someday, God willing.
References:
(*) Kelly McGonigal, P. (2024). İrade İçgüdüsü (The Willpower Instinct). Istanbul: Serenad Yayınevi.
Note: This open-source article does not require copyright and can be quoted by citing the author.
